My long time friend Peter died. Just heard. The person who told me was crying and hugging me but I feel indifferent or emotionless. This makes me feel cold hearted.Am I numbed by the meds? I cried recently about something! Last night.

Psych nurse put me on gabapentin. I'm running out of meds I can take. We had an hour appointment! Mostly looking for meds I can take. Used the genesite info! Looking for meds I can take. We are keeping Vraylar 1.5 and she refilled a few others. I pick up my new med packs tomorrow. She said if this med doesn't work my next option is electro convulsive therapy! That surprised me. Im pretty much out of meds I can take. Too many bad side effects- urinary retention is one that a lot of meds seem to have as a side effect. My mother is not supportive. She thinks all I need is a new therapist. They are still looking for one for me. Case manager is going to file the report on my ex therapist that was so terrible. My psych nurse was floored when I told her that she said trauma causes hallucinations! She immediately explained what your brain does when you hallucinate but now I forget exactly what she said. But her point was made!

Today has been a lot to take in.