I just want to add that the pain of a loss like you've had does not last forever. It will ease up. That could take a few months. Longterm recovery will be helped by you looking at things in a more balanced way. You've put way too much guilt on yourself. If you were not 100% truthful with your boyfriend, it was only out of fear. A real man in love with you would not have reacted as he did. He's got some serious problems and flaws, which he probably won't just grow out of. Ten years from now, you may look back and see this breakup as a blessing.

I wonder what happened to the relationships he had before meeting you. I bet this guy had a pattern of rejecting partners because no one lived up to his ideal of perfection.

You will have other opportunities to be in a relationship. You need to become more mindful of what you need from a partner, rather than just focusing on trying to live up to the guy's expectations. Love is a two way street.