That said I already know the answer I'm just looking for some explanation.
Whenever I say anything it will be corrected, overwritten, or there will be the same explanation coming but with different wording.
When I said you're correcting me all the time he said he doesn't do it ALL the time. (well hard to argue with for example "it's 1pm" when it is indeed 1pm) As a mathematician I know that proving statements all/every is quite easy you just need to find one occasion when it's not true. Clearly people talk in terms differently in free-talk then in the courtroom which is where I feel like I have to do when I talk with him.
Another case is when I clearly remembered saying things even if a couple of minutes before it was said, then he told me such was never said. When it happens in a drunken occasion here and there you don't really notice. But it kept on happening way too often so I recorded conversations with my phone in my pocket. Listened to the previous minutes in the bathroom after I was told it never was said and there it was.
My point is that he ALMOST got me with these and many more. Where he screwed it up was that it wasn't occasional it didn't just happen here and there (whatever IT is whether is gaslighting, or isolating, or correcting, and and and), but each and every time without exception. And that made me suspicious and made me read online resources about such. Is where I learned terms like gaslighting and other nasty things.
In an extend I'm getting all of these (you should've seen me hesitating to use the term all), but for sure made me think.
Can't post links, so google power-and-control-wheel.png to understand what I'm talking about.
I don't talk to pretty much anyone anymore. He made me to apply for entry level minimum wage jobs that I did think was only to belittle me. I'm a highly experienced and knowledgeable professional in my field. Yet he made me take the jobs that pretty much interns would take. Data entry instead of network architect. Because "the competition is fierce" and "nobody will hire you you're a foreign with no college degree" and "what do you think who you are here, you just got here" even though I have 10+ years of experience in the field.
But it turned out it wasn't just belittling me but also to make me less than enough so I rely on him. "What would you do without me?"
Also when I said I made my jobs always so easy that I could just sit back and relax most of the time. I got "this is America you'll learn the way here. you'll have to work hard here" it felt like a what do you know attitude. Here I am have a job making more than he does, while pretty much watching tv 80% of my work-time sitting home.
Then there are the times when he insists that I make a decision, I do so, and we do something totally different anyways. I stopped caring. I throw in suggestions carelessly knowing we will do something else anyways. Now he claims that I don't even care anymore. Ironic isn't it?
When I say I cleaned my place (oh yeah we don't live together which made us stay together as long as so it was inevitable), he says why don't I clean his house too? When I go over, I bring food, I take out the garbage/recyclable, take in the mail, cook, I drive everywhere, on my birthday we split everything 50:50, on his I pay for everything.
He claims that I stink. Breath, foot, when I go to the bathroom to take a dump. I shower thoroughly and brush my teeth and rinse before arriving always. I understand breath can smell but for sure not less than 10 minutes after doing the above.. He sprays my feet. Makes me brush my teeth again. Turns on the fan in the bathroom. Once I went to the bathroom to fart, which I didn't. As a test. He walks by the bathroom and retch saying it stinks to the high heavens.
I left a pathetic less than 1000 dollars saving in my home country just for visits so I don't need to lose money on exchange. He said he NEEDS that money (I owed him close to $20k by then which was paid back in 3 months when I started to work), because he has to pay off my credit card debt to refinance his house. Made me humiliate myself in front of my friends asking them to wire that money. I get it 20k is a lot. But how does seven hundred some help in that situation? It does not.
He made me get flu shot even though I was not sick since i was like 6. Saying if you get sick and lose your job you're on your own and I won't support you anymore and you can go back to your country. (same went down with the other virus shot) Then "you'll infect me i'll die, you want me to die?" by the book.
Not even mentioning unfaithfulness on the top of this pile. Which he swore on his mothers, fathers, and sisters life he didn't do. Clear as sky he did. Then he said it happened when we weren't together. It did happen when we were. When I found out about it I broke up with him verbally (while staying married) for that very reason. When I say this he comes up with something form the past that I did to distract.
When we go out and I talk he always "helps me". I say something that someone doesn't fully get at first, instead of letting me explain, he takes over and explains it for me. Very humiliating. I asked him not to do it, he gets upset and says "i'm only trying to help you why are you being so rude?" Once I accidentally overhead a conversation he had with his friends saying he had to teach me life from scratch. As if I'd fallen off the sky the day we met and I wasn't already 30 by that time with all life's experience there is and more.
When I drive he always navigates with his google maps, even though I ask him not to because I know my way and I was never lost or confused. He gets mad when I keep on asking him to stop giving me directions. Once again "I'm only trying to help why are you so rude" When I'm already slowing down and signaling right he goes "go right here"
Thank you for reading and making it this far if you did. If you got only half way or much less and jumped down here, thank you too.
My question is if I'm only imagining things being this bad and I'm over sensitive as he claims I am, or these are serious situations and I need to take steps on walking away? I could go on for 10s of pages with examples I kept a diary on but this was too much already. I hope someone will find ease reading these YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I'm the opposite of who I was when we met. I barely say or do anything, basically vegetating, agreeing on everything he says or wants. Therefore he thinks we're on the good path to recovery and to be together forever.
We're not. I want my life back.
I just don't know how to make the step needs to be taken.
Icing on cake: my English gets corrected all the time. As you see I barely babble the language... What would I do without him?

Of course every situation is different and I understand I got it lighter than others. But abuse is abuse. I forgot to mention that whenever I tried to talk to him about problems, I got shut down with arguments like "you do it too" or picking a poorly picked phrase or word and repeating it in my face until I kind of wanted to be anywhere else but there and regret I've mentioned anything on the first place. Drunken/drugged "fights" took not once 6-7 hours long. I kept on watching the clock sometimes, then he slammed the clock on the ground because I don't get to note the time he repeats his thoughts as much as he wants to.
I have a little thing for rougher than average sex, once at one of the worst "fights" I said I'm leaving and headed to the door, he came after me took my hand and put it on his neck saying "I know you'd like to do it, do it" I quickly pulled my hand away I think he wanted to get bruises and file report against me or threaten me to report me if I'm not X or not doing Y. I somehow wish he once just cut me a tiny bit so I had a legal way out but prove verbal abuse is extremely hard. Especially in CA where one is not allowed to record private conversation without all the participating parties' consent. Clearly whenever anyone is any near us he's 100% normal and nice.
As I'm at the very last stretch of immigration (citizenship interview is months away) I'm unable to leave and can only imagine the nightmares of the time when paperwork is done and I can flee. It all started beautiful, like in the big book. True love. I gave up and sold everything I had where I came from. It's been 6 years now. I have literally nowhere to go back I'd live on the streets. And problems started when I already owed $10+k which I could only pay back with the salary of the country of origin if I'd put aside everything they pay me for 6-8 years. Great money in local terms, but laughable here. That gave him the ultimate power over my life. Especially after threatening me with the flu/cvd shots and when I didn't want to get the most expensive car insurance. "if you cause an accident I won't pay your bills and you can go back to X. You must get the good insurance."
I'm just trying to explain that I'm not committing immigration fraud we've entered the marriage bona fide. And on paper we still live together. I'm at his place every weekend. I did take the required steps all the way through and got into this situation where I either should've left, or report abusive behavior (WAVA) none of the two are good options. I'm terrified if what would happen if he'd know about this post or God forbid I'd report abuse and he'd get to know about it / the government would decide I'm just a sissy and should stand up for myself etc. I guess good thing that in the open world we look perfect.
I read about immigration-abuse a lot and unfortunately it happens more often than you'd think. Having power over someone's existence apparently can be intoxicating for a lot of people. I find it sad and I do feel sorry for all of the abusers and the abused alike.
So frustrating that I'm trapped. At the very end every moment feels like a year.