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The problem is, I feel hardly any connection at all. People may say well then she is not the right one for you but I have no idea. I have never really trusted anyone in my life and definitely not with some of the information I did slightly share with her.

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I felt this way a lot about my own therapeutic relationship and most other relationship in my life. It bothered me a lot. What I would do when thinking about quiting was to look at my therapy sessions objectively and ask... Even though I don't feel connected to this person, do I feel like I've made progress in addressing x,y,z? In my case the answer always ended up with, YES. So I kept going. Now I am at a point where I do feel a connection (not sure I like that feeling either).

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Maybe I have not allowed her any connection to me, maybe I am just not available to that.

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I definitely sabotaged any recognized attempts she made to connect with me. However, my T seems to have some how navigated past my no fly zone and made some connections despite my resistance.

For me I needed to experience a lot of consistency in therapy and a lot of anguish outside of therapy before attempting the trusting thing. This took me a lot of time. I'm a year in and just now starting to get the value of allowing a connection.