So how it works here is you get a voucher and find a private unit to rent. Then if you want an apartment complex you go on a list. Each apartment has its own list. Then when a low income place opens up they have a drawing. The top x people are invited to move their application forward. After they get all the applications in if you're still high enough on the list your put into phase two. Which is the verification, credit check and signing the lease.

I haven't kept any medication down for about a month. So I stopped even trying. So I will be on all new medicine tomorrow but with mail delivery it won't be here until Wednesday. My therapist is worried I have great insight that it'll fade as time goes on. She's impressed with all the systems I have set up to live a normal-ish life but it masks the severity apparently even medicated I'm servere. I don't want medicine I want to try keto but the way my t makes it sound I'm moments away from the hospital especially if I don't destress.

We're working on giving me the freedom to roam around the house when Athena passes. Instead of me hiding in the closet behind 2 locked doors when home alone. My whole routine revolves around the dog. From when I eat and sleep and take meds to being able to function alone. I haven't even mentioned how she stops me from self harming when home alone. I didn't want her to be even more concerned then she is. We talked about wether getting a replacement now would be better or waiting.

So next month I have to buy alarms for doors and windows but that won't help when the paranoia is high like deep pressure therapy does. Apparently being out of the closet while paranoid vs being able to use the house while paranoid isn't as large of a step as I think and the amount of paranoia I have staying home alone means my meds aren't working well enough. She doesn't know it's worse outside. She was surprised I'm so paranoid while on medication.

I think my eating disorder voice is back. I don't want meds I actually told h to watch me take them when they come. I don't know how to tell my therapist I don't want help without being locked up. I don't get along with my pdoc and I don't think she can truly help me.

I don't know how to just chill so which exasperate my symptoms. So that's not good. I can't listen to music, my earbuds got stolen, I'm to agitated color, I can only rest so much. I'm going to look into injectables again.