I'm so sorry you are in that situation. I can definitely identify with you. Wish I knew what to say to help.

My father was consumed by self-hate and deep seated self-loathing and he projected it onto others in order to relieve himself of the pain. I didn't really realize this at a deep level until I was 69 years old. I think he suffered from undiagnosed mental illness. He made life into a living nightmare for so many people including me. I'm so sorry you are in similar circumstances!!!