<font color="purple"> Didn't mean to make you cry
I guess I must be used to it because honestly it doesn't hurt anymore
I can mull over in it, brood over my memories as much as I want, but they rarely hurt anymore. I really minimized whatever has happened because in the big picture I've never viewed my chilhood as being that bad. Sure, I was bullied but it could have been alot worse. It's probably why I feel guilty for seeking help or sharing my past because even though it may be bothering me from time to time, I still have that mentality like it's a badge or something. Unless my memories of that time are poor and inacurate- wouldn't be the first time.

I as mainly bullied because I was "fat" (when I look back at my old pictures though, I was just a little plump is all, no biggie, it's just that every other kid in school were as skinny as rails) I was really uncoordinated and not very strong- a bit of delayed develpment if you will because I was born so premature, thus, I was really bad at athletics (and HATED gym class- loved my Physical therapy/Occupational therapy classes though :P) I was very quiet too, and eccentric, and creative, this made me an outcast socialy, and because my mom wasn't with me all the time I had the same fassion sense as my dad...not a very good one, kids would complain to me that I smelled or never brushed my hair (both counts mind you were lies, but noone ever said bullies had to tell the truth) but above all I was just a very sensitive and naive kid. (so gullable people could trick me to do anything) and all of those things together is like the perfect storm for being an easy target for even first graders to bully me.

My expirience with bullying is manly verbal. with two exceptions:

1.) While acting out and taunting people, acting like a bit of a bully myself, the kid usualy ending up snapping and beating the crap out of me. I guess I'm a lover not a fighter.

2.) My brother. You see, we have an interesting relationship. He loves, trusts me, and in that sense we are very close. BUT he doesn't really respect me. And during our younger years he was a bully too- just in the ol' sibling rivlary kind of way. It's so confusing, one minute he wants hugs and says that he loves me and when I was a kid once he literaly puched out a kid who was picking on me, but then he does the typical brother thing and bugs me, and having very specific memories of him literaly beating me up as a kid, and pretending he was going to run away knowing full well that I'd actualy believe him and beg him to stay. I guess it's just complex.</font>