I think from here on out I'll assume I'll have a crying session. I'll be surprised if I don't.

My session with L was again good, but I also barely remember it. We were talking about my griefs, but I don't remember which ones. I remember her telling me a story about how you can feel certain things, but not want to act on them. We talked about how I don't wish harm, but I wish the timing was different. And I realized something today. I realized that even though I can't hold joy right now, I do hold love. That I love all of them. And that actually gives me a little relief from hating myself for not holding joy. I also realized today that the fact I'm still here with her, logically shows that I do have at least a little hope.

I think I should see a neurologist again. L thinks it's emotional, but I'm just worried there's something more wrong with my memory. Like tonight I was shocked it was Sunday. I lost a day and it wasn't because I was bored or didn't do anything. I actually did a lot. Or sometimes I forget what I have done the day before. It's not just sessions I'm forgetting. L thinks it's a part of me trying to protect me. I'm not sure it's a part. If it was, why am I forgetting things that have nothing to do with her or therapy? Yesterday was a good and productive day for me. How did I completely forget it?