Because most of the time it doesn't work out. We've had countless apartments fall through before this place we were homeless for 5 months. Before that place we were homeless 6 months before then over a year... Then there's the years of squatting between homeless. The 2 evictions. I've been unhoused for over 5 years between 16-40. I'm also ****ing up all over the place. That's not counting the times we have no utilities. I owe thousands to people even though I get assistance. It's always my fault we become homeless, run out of food, money ect. Now this place realize on me conjuring money, driving with no car two hours away, just to get id so I can get a paper saying I didn't file taxes by Friday. Currently we live with rats who don't give a **** if we're in the room last week my neighbors cat caught over 15 in an area that the McDonald's doesn't even have their seating area open. And this is one of the best places we've lived.

I was trying to fix myself, get an education and a job to meet my needs but everyone here thought that was a bad idea, t told me not to, pdoc just wants me to sleep. I tend to hide the bad stuff. The things I say here I wouldn't say in rl. I'm toxically positive in real life. Always trying to fix my **** ups. I'm the stable one, I'm the one that always has a plan, I'm the fixer. I'm also the **** up. There are so many things going on right now. We're hoping for this to be our forever home. So we can stop running.

H has asked me not to be fake because I'm real convincing he'd never know. But it's hard. I've had a hard life with lots of abuse. I have to plan for the worst. I have a very superficial support system. I have a superficial relationship with family, no friends, only one I'm close to is my husband, my dog and Anna comes before him because she doesn't lie.

Basically I'm like this because years of being ****ed over shows me I **** up a lot and I'm 1 **** up away from loosing everything, yet again. And I do all this while being actively psychotic. But only here knows and I keep the bad stuff to myself because of paranoia.

Honestly I should not be in control money, I don't have good insight, 2 weeks out of the month we go hungry, utilities are barley on, and my closest relationship is a hallucination. I have no idea why he stays . I refuse medical, dental and psychiatric care. Hell I refuse to go to the Dr for what could be skin cancer.