I used to be a personal trainer. I know exactly what and where all my flaws are and I harp on them. Even when I was in competing shape I had problems dealing with some areas of my body. I know what I have to do, it's getting the time to do it (three kids consume my life). Sometimes I feel like I'm using that as an excuse and I really don't want it enough. I do sit ups and stuff like that but it's not the same as what a gym can do. I envy the people who can where nicer clothing and not feel self conscious about it. Sometimes I envy the people with an eating disorder, I even tried making my self throw up but I hat throwing up so it didn't last long. I know I have a problem, I'm a mess in almost all aspects of my life (my marraige is a mess, my finances are a mess) except for mother hood. I am completely focused and devoted to my children. I can't afford a therapist if I could I would work on my marraige first. I know a web site can't fix my problems but I'm hoping talking about it will get me out of this hump I'm in.