So being stoic bit me in the ***. I need to get letters from my providers about why I need a PCA. All my providers I've only seen at most 4 times. I don't go into detail about my struggles ever. Last week was the first time I explained what my dog does for me because she's dieing and I don't know what to do. Apparently hiding behind 2 locked doors in the closet until someone comes home isn't a solution. Neither is not eating or drinking until not alone anymore. She's amazed that I have all these systems in place.

I assume my pdoc reads ts notes because it's literally. Still not sleeping? Yep, still psychotic? Yep are you even trying to take the medicine? Yep okay try x. See me in two weeks.

Where t is like are you still having symptoms? Yep, what kind of symptoms? Don't want to go into this... List of things that aren't to concerning no side comments just a matter in fact list. The only one who knew how bad it was was wv t. This t keeps talking about refractory symptoms. So I think she knows there's a lot more than I'm telling her. I'm scared she'll catch on to the self hate and ask self harm, and suicidal questions. We have a perfectly normal session until she asks about symptoms. The weeks she forgot to she thought I was doing better. How do I become more open and honest with someone that has so much power over me?