So h thinks I'm on an upswing he's on a downswing. I'm so scared for Thursday. I really need to be honest about how bad things are in my head space but I want to manage her reaction so I don't get involuntary committed. My medicine didn't come today. I'm struggling with the idea to take it when it comes. I need to do my hair but shaving it all off and dyeing it. Urges are strong tonight. I realize I'm putting to much on h. My head is so loud and Anna won't shut up. She's going to give me horrible self esteem so I just tell her I'm not getting worse just realized I'm not being honest with her because of paranoia.

We got move in assistance so we have 90 days to move out now, just to get the apartment and inform everyone. To much is going on to get hospitalized, plus I have to leave the house, see people, talk,. I told my parents about the rats they're not happy. They obviously don't know about the psychosis.