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Hey guys,
It's been a while. Man I really have some up and down days, but the down days aren't really down days, they are more like I say the meanest, cruelest things to myself about myself. Therapy was good today because I basically talked how horrible I look, how fat I am, how much I HATE myself, it's not that I dislike myself and the way I look, I HATE it. Even after that nice picture I took the other day. It's so bad guys, it really is - I feel I look so horrible and I say such mean things about myself all the time, it's really bad.
Just need to put things into a better perspective. I have a nice new job now, I love my candle store job, I have so many friends, a wonderful family, an amazing boyfriend, my own apartment I can pay for, a nice car, and just all the things so many people would want so much. I just need to really need to focus on being grateful - but it's so hard to when you're deep in it. My therapist told me to hide all the mirrors if it's causing me so much distress, and also refocus, distract myself and do more things I enjoy - taking his advice, and trying to stop all this hateful self-talk.
I feel so ungrateful. Everything is going amazing in my life except this one self-image thing, but my therapist said that's the hardest one for most people to deal with.
Why do we focus on the one thing that we're not happy with forgetting all the amazing, good things??
Also, my neighbor moved out, and I am really worried about it. My apartment is really close to his, I hope no one terrible moves in, ugh, the last one was awful before him. He was so nice and quiet; I am so bummed.
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