L helped me. Now I know what happened!

So we were talking about the 3 L's when we realized that if I accept good and bad L, that means I have to grieve the loss of good L, my old L, who I felt safe and protected with. The loss of innocence is about her. Realizing that she can hurt me this bad, make this bad of a mistake (birth control in this case). It's not about putting her on a pedestal, more believing in the good and ignoring the bad. And losing good L translates to losing my fantasy: my fantasy for her to be my mother in reality. I guess the fantasy can still exist, but the picture of her being a perfect mother is tainted now by reality.