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seesaw
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Default Oct 24, 2024 at 10:42 AM
 
I wanted to pose a question, just to compare something out of my experience with a certain type of person.

I have found that a lot of people who don't like being accountable for their actions will use manipulative tactics like DARVO, misdirection, strawmen, abusive verbal argument tactics (like bad debate form), rewriting or minimizing the course of events, or even outright gaslighting (usually not so much this last one), but I wouldn't jump to calling these people narcissists or speculating on PDs or anything.

Rather, I find them emotionally immature or maybe have fragile egos and can't handle being wrong or making a mistake, and they will devolve to these tactics so they can stay safe and right and dismiss the other person's concerns. Does anyone else identify with this kind of situation?

I'm not going to go into detail, but there is a specific demographic in my dog sports community who, when even politely confronted with how they've behaved in a way that is hurtful or harmful, specifically they start crying and make themselves the victim, not always entirely DARVO but sometimes for sure. Okay, specifically I will say : there is a type of person who has essentially been taught that anytime they do something wrong or hurt someone (even unintentionally), rather than be accountable and apologize and learn (as we all must do) they will turn on the tears and manipulate to make themselves the victim. And essentially then the actual issue or conflict can never be dealt with, because they're crying and it's all about their feelings getting hurt that someone had a problem with something they did or said. Even if that thing they said or did was super inappropriate and out of line.

I know a lot of people are really challenged to handle conflict, and specifically this most recent time I've noticed it, the person was in a professional capacity, and behaving this way.

I think in general a lot of people have trouble with accountability and rather than ever be accountable, they'll turn something simple into world war 3.

I don't like to put labels on people like abusive, narcissist, other PD, etc., because I feel it's dehumanizing, and rather I like to deal with the human and the actual behavior (to the extent that I will actually deal with it).

Does anyone understand what I'm talking about?

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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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