I feel I barely avoided the hospital even though she really, really wanted me to go. I have the crises unit number. She's pissed at pdoc. And had no idea things were "this" bad and have been this bad since we met. She's worried with the voices and the imaging that I'll get tired and it'll ruin my mood . She didn't fire me. She looked up the psychosis clinic and I'm worried she's going to call and recommend me. It's weird she's concerned because I don't want access to medication. she had me call to transfer pdocs right after getting off the phone with her. We had a bit of an argument over my needs vs making people do there job or inconveniencing others. I feel horrible that I stressed her out when I don't see it as a big deal because I'm not impulsive or lack control. I think she'll argue that last one. She doesn't care if I break my art supplies she wants me coloring, blaring uptempo music, dancing, anything to keep my mood up. I didn't tell her getting high makes it worse. I gave her like a 65% picture she kept saying she wanted the whole picture but I was scared. Like if she knew I was getting high and why would that push her over the edge of me needing services? Because can I really not be impulsive while high. I did tell her I didn't want therapy or meds because of paranoia and my fear of being locked up. I think she's going to work on that fear later. I told her about Anna she doesn't like that I'm interacting with her. I didn't tell her I had a whole hour long out loud argument with her about it not being my fault. Where I was crying and yelling. I did tell her I wouldn't call the crises number but gave it to my husband. We're going to have to work on identifying what a crisis is. She didn't agree on a scale that from stable to crisis where I am at.

She's so going to call the psychosis clinic and making sure I get in.