Do not concern yourself with arguing against the stuff that he'll throw at you. What he thinks is his problem. You don't need his permission to leave. In his mind you are totally, 100% wrong and at fault. He'll stick to that 'till his dying day. Let it go in one of your ears and out the other. Avoid provoking his anger for your own safety. Beyond that, you don't need to care what he thinks about anything. You absolutely do need to give up on this marriage.

This may seem too obvious to need saying, but do not get pregnant by this guy. No child deserves this jak-arse for a father. Keep that in mind. You made a mistake putting your trust in this guy, but this is a mistake that you can correct. That's your goal. What he tells his family is his problem. Don't accuse or provoke. Just stick to a good plan for getting the heck out of this marriage. Make yourself as boring as possible when you're around him. Practice being dull. It would be great, if he just lost interest in you.

A support group for victims of domestic abuse would help you to shift your thinking away from accepting his version of what's going on. You would meet others who have endured psychological abuse. You need more support in rejecting all the crap that he dumps on you. Be around him as little as possible. It's hard to heal, when someone keeps rubbing salt in your wounds.

You're not crazy. This marriage is crazy, and you don't have to stay in it. You leaving will probably make him furious, so be careful. Separate your finances from his. Make sure he cannot touch your bank accounts. An attorney can warn you about things you might not think of. Confide fully in your attorney. The support of a good lawyer will strengthen you. You'll get where you need to get by coping one day at a time. For now, you have to be your own best friend.

This whole experience is not a waste. It is teaching you important lessons that you've needed to learn. You will come out of this a much wiser woman. You can learn to empower yourself.