Thread: Closure
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Tart Cherry Jam
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Member Since Mar 2021
Location: California
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Default Oct 24, 2024 at 11:34 PM
 
Horrible. But you knew, deep down, that it would not end well. You probably did not expect he would marry a girl 27 years younger than he is, but you knew this would not end well, because why would one be engaged for 7 (!!!) years? People are engaged for what, 1 year, all the while they planning their wedding. Maybe a couple of years, but not 7. And you had been with him for so long prior to the engagement. And you yourself said that you were in an abusive relationship with him. So, clearly, even without ultimately marrying that girl, he mistreated you. He mistreated you so badly that you were afraid of an altercation and worked around that fear by leaving exactly on his wedding day.

So he mistreated you, probably he would string you along, he caused you to live in fear of altercations (or worse), and... you now expect an apology from him? An apology for hurting you? And you expect that to be a.... heartfelt apology? But had he actually cared not to hurt you, he would not have done those things to you in the first place. Would not have caused you to live in fear of altercations, for instance. Would have separated from you earlier and in a kinder way when he figured out he would be going off with that girl overseas. Would not have been stringing you alone, something you now resent so bitterly because your youth was wasted.

For this reason, a heartfelt apology is not possible, is not forthcoming, and a token apology would not be enough for you. You would definitely be able to tell a heartfelt apology and a token apology apart.

So there is nothing he can do that would make you feel any better now. Your loss is huge: you wasted your youth, and, on top of that, you are saying that you loved him, so your love went unappreciated. And then the dog. With the dog, maybe his mother can mediate an agreement between you and him. At least he is communicative via text about the dog, so there, not all is lost.

You wrote that you want him to please give you closure so that you can move on.


You do not depend on him for moving on. I think you need to examine why you stayed in a dead end relationship for so long, wasting years. The relationship was obviously dead end. Did you not see it? Did you deceive yourself, trying to avoid seeing the obvious, the red flags? You chose Eternal Love for your name on this forum, so did you say for so long because you loved him and only him all your adult life?

People can live long these days and it is possible to form relationships during later years. But you need to separate from the man inside your psyche before you can go on to form better relationships than that one. It will take time, the process will be painful, but it is possible, and you do not need his OK for you to move on.

Regarding getting closure, most people do not get it. So you are not at all alone. Getting closure is an exception, not the rule.

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