I am so sorry. I know it just doesn't make any sense & I know you have unanswered questions. My father commited suicide in Oct 2007 and no one saw it coming. My mother was in the house and he just walked out back and did it. There was no warning signs. I was completely blown away to see my father like that. I won't let myself think of that day, I really even don't think of him, I won't let myself. I lost my brother in 1992 in a vehicle accident, it took me a long time to get over that, but somehow with what my father has done, it is like I am avoiding it, I hope it don't catch up with me or maybe it is because I am trying to help my mother deal with it and maybe that is why I have to be okay. Sometimes I wonder if maybe he never intended to go that far.

You will be okay, you still have a long way to go, I probably do also, you just have to stay busy, keep you mind busy so that you don't think, that is what I do.