Eternal Love, before I read your last message, I was thinking of you and planned to write, directing your attention to the fallacy of sunk cost, a concept from the field of economics. And then your post confirmed that you had suffered from that fallacy (you had already spent 13 years with him and because of that, you decided to give him another chance). People make this mistake of falling for the *sunk cost* fallacy all the time. It is very hard not to. I hope that the realization that the mistake you made was very human will help. Since you now are open to trying meditation, please look up the author Kristin Neff from Texas who has posted free self-conpassion meditations she narrated herself. I find them soothing. She describes self-conpassion as consisting of several elements and of them is called shared humanity. So you made a mistake that many other humans have made. You are suffering pain shared by many other people. I hope it will hrlp. Your circle of contacts makes unrealistic suggestions that border on cruelty and complete disregard of your emotional state when they encourage you to just forget and stop talking of the man.