@ divine1966

Thanks for replying, the reason I cannot “eat in another room or by myself” is because they feel I’m alienating them. And not trying to “bond with them like a family member”. They don’t feel comfortable with me eating alone it’s rude they say. However, he always abuses me. Even if I have been quiet the entire time. He will think of false crap to say about me. That would trigger me. For example, one time I was praying at the kitchen island, standing in the corner by myself, he’s just starts yelling at me. He didn’t care if I was in the middle of prayer. I had to stop mid prayer and tell him to back off. The rest of the family stood there silently. Watched me continue my prayer, this time in tears.

Again, I will try to explain myself. I have always defended myself in the past. I would argue back every single time. It was only recently (3 days ago) that I learned of the “Grey Rock Method”. I googled methods of how to avoid/not engage with a verbal abuser, that’s how I found this method from reddit.

I’m trying to save up to move, that’s why I’m putting up with this stuff. I realized after our recent fight that, that okay this person will never stop abusing me. No matter how I reason with him, I’m wrong and he's right. I’m just his punching bag. I asked my sister-in-law, do you think it’s fair for him to abuse me? And that l have to let him because I need a place to stay. She says just ignore him. She says he doesn’t mean everything he says, he’s just saying that because he’s mad and frustrated.

He has major depression, hates work and has pain in his body (legs and back). Before I came here, his family dealt with his mood swings. I tried to be kind and understanding, Ive tried to forgive him. Because I thankful to them for taking me in. I try to not get in their way. But this stuff has happened 90% of the time that I’m here. Now I am scared to eat food because of this. I’ve have said to him, that I have been abused for 2 decades. Why are you also abusing me when you’re my own blood. Please help me heal, comfort me help me get through my pain. I need love, empathy and kindness.

He doesn’t see it that way. He sees it as, I’m a person that effed up in life and now he has to deal with me. In fact, I didn’t know this until 3 mths after I moved in. Because my sis in law told me after a fight with him. I asked her why is he so hostile towards me. She said originally he never wanted me to come here. But she forced him to let me stay. But, because he's my only family, and I had no where to go. I had to come here.

So a few days ago after our fight, I googled, found suggestions and came here. Now I give up and waved my white flag by trying the GRM. I have took all the suggestions above, and will try to listen to meditations on youtube. I will try meditation while I’m being a grey rock in order to survive 😔.

God bless you all here and thank you for helping me. I’m so thankful to God to have found this forum. I want you to know your advice is life changing. It can help people like me, that are scared, hurt and lost, find hope. 🙏🏼🩵