You need to work on taking your power back. See how you interact with people and how you berate yourself. You don't need to beg people or plead with people to be 'allowed' to do or not do what *you* want. You are not a child. What can they do to you? There is already no bonding. At least, you could remove yourself from abusive environments.

Even expecting closure is you giving your power away, expecting someone else (or something external) to make you feel better. I would invite you to reflect on why you give others SO much power over you. This is not anyone else's job - *you* need to make yourself feel better. You are the one in charge of yourself, of your choices and of how you feel.

I would also advise you to choose your allies more carefully (e.g. your ex' mother). People who do not reciprocate or do not care about you - from how they treat you - do *not* deserve your confidence.

Finally, going forward, do not keep collecting red flags and allow others to abuse you. Care, love, and respect yourself more. That way, no one will be able to abuse you. Ever.