Hi @CANDC and thanks for your response. First I want to clarify that they aren't being threatened - in fact, usually it's just a question. But they may perceive the question as threatening or be defensive about their response, when you (the person asking) are just seeking information.

To be honest, I have never found trying to explain or reason with people who respond this way to have any effectiveness. The best thing to do is see it for the what it is: someone who is emotionally immature or otherwise a big red flag, and walk away.

Recently I experienced this, where the person kept trying to pivot the issue and detract from the actual concern, and I kept pointing them back to the original concern, and they kept ignoring it and discussing something else.

It reminds me of a situation where, for example, you tell your significant other that something they did upset you. Instead of discussing how YOU felt and what THEY did, they respond by saying "well you did X and that hurt ME!" Both wrongs should be dealt with separately and both people need to answer for them, for sure, but what actually happens is the SO doesn't want to address their own behavior, so points it back at the other person instead of addressing the person's concerns.

Anyhow, as I said, I don't generally make friends with people who do this, I hold boundaries.

I guess I didn't state my question too well, which went more to the idea of not everyone out there can be a narcissist or abuser, but there does seem to be a lot of emotional immaturity and integrity?