Today started with me being upset that she didn't check-in with me this morning after a bad night last night. We talked about my grief of not being able to have children and why I don't believe she can help me when she can help me with other things she can't relate to (like my dad). We also talked about my SI and hopelessness and why hope is scary (invalidates and dismisses my pain). And we talked about things I need: connection to people outside myself, connection within myself, and connection to the "spiritual" (not religious, but like beauty in life).