Work really shook me up today. I had an experience that was similar to something that happened to me repeatedly when I was in an unhealthy environment. I conveniently had counseling today to talk about it, but it wasn't helpful. Breathing exercises aren't really my thing, especially in front of other people, and that's what she wanted me to do. It's weird, but I feel to vulnerable doing them in front of other people.

I've been thinking about it for awhile and today made it so I'm almost positive I'm going to quit counseling, at least for now. Because I struggle with SI (just had some thoughts today), this makes me nervous. But, in all honesty, I probably wouldn't be completely honest in counseling about this out of a fear of being hospitalized so there isn't really much of a point of going then either. And, neither of the counselors I'm currently connected with have much experience with bipolar disorder so they aren't always the most helpful there either. Plus, part of me just isn't ready to do the work. I'm a little bitter at life right now and that's not the most conducive mentality for effective counseling sessions.

I see my pdoc on Wednesday so I'm curious what his thoughts will be when I tell him this. He trusts me so my guess is he won't say much.