Hello. First time making a post. I've been married for a number of years. We've had a few children together. The last several years (on amd off) my husband has been cheating on me with the same woman. It's very hurtful when he don't want to let me go but yet still go back to this other woman once I've let my guard down. It's very embarrassing knowing he takes this woman out in public, and around his friends like she means the world to him and we hardly spend any quality time together. The very mention of divorce sends him into "husband" mode and I can't take it. I've forgiven him, and he gets caught. I'll forgive him and he gets caught, but he swear up and down he don't love this woman... that's a lie. He claims he doesn't want to lose his family over this and he knows how bad he has messed up. Well the truth is, I can quote these lines backwards and forwards because I've heard it all before. I don't want to be alone, I wanted to make it work with my husband, and I dont want to leave my house. It's easy for someone to tell me to just leave if I'm fed up... I would not choose to struggle just because my feelings are hurt. I have children to think about, and other things in my life that I don't want to throw everything away just yet. I'm actually just here to vent and cry and scream. It feels like I'm constantly looking over my shoulder like what is doing, is he talking back to her, has he visited her. None of it matters at this point because I've checked out of the marriage and planning to leave eventually... just getting my ducks in a row, and getting the nerve to go through with it because they'll be no turning back once it's done.