I had a complete breakdown today in session. Like sobbing with tears and snot. So embarrassing. I don't know what triggered me, but it was about my infertility. I got her crying too. After some time, she somehow transitioned us to some topics we needed to talk about. One was getting acquainted with the room little by little. Because of everything going on, I have no clue of my surroundings. I never got the chance. We also talked about "power". She didn't say exactly how I can end her career, but that all our emails are evidence against her. I've decided I'm not going to ask specifics. I don't want to know. I don't want power over her or her career. We also talked about grieving "good L". She said I don't have to, that she's the same L I've always known. But now I know how deeply she can hurt me, and that is the loss of innocence. It's never been about putting her on a pedestal. I've just always put myself lower than her. But now we are equals. Now I'm not all bad and she's not all good. We ended with safety planning for between sessions. We've been doing it for awhile and it helps a lot.