Thanks, Lost.

I just wanted one person to be my safety from this world. But that was foolish of me. Like T said: we're all messy people just trying our best in this life.

I think I need to soften myself to L some. Give her more grace. Not necessarily forgiveness, but more acceptance. I wouldn't want to be judged for my mistakes (her birth control method). Especially since I know why she did it even though she totally f'ed it up. I know she is trying. And I know she's not going to leave me. She's committed to me. I wish I could commit to her again. But I'm just not there.

This situation is just so hard. But we're both showing up. That's got to count for something.