I understand your struggles; it sounds like you have a really difficult relationship with your mother. My own experiences with my parents were very harsh, which led me to cut off all communication. I miss her, but I will never miss her hate.
Parents are just people, they are wrong, and they can be great or awful. They can ruin your life, like they can ruin a life of every other person, but they can do it very painful because you love them... And despite we have connections like relatives, some connections are better cut out.
You have your own family and standards, and you are not dependent on your mother.