Halloween is my favorite holiday.
It carries no expectations like Christmas or Thanksgiving.
Those times you are supposed to be merry or have family around and if you don't stick to some perceived tradition or mood you stand out.

Halloween is different.
You can dress up, you can decorate or hang out with friends (if you are fortunate to have them) go bar hopping, watch scary movies, or just go to bed early.
Whatever you do, it doesn't come with much expectation and you can make it your own holiday.

My obligations to others in family and maintaining the job that supports said family did not allow for me to do much this year. Often I come up with some creative event that acquaintances and kids enjoy. I enjoy the process of making whatever the year's inspiration brings.

I couldn't even accompany kids on their outing this time.

This is one of the few things I still enjoy the process of doing and it feels like one more of life's pleasures has been taken from me. I have so few things left. I hurt so much and I wanted to get a little enjoyment of this holiday. The afterglow of having a good end to October helps me keep it together to put on a pleasant face for the next 2 months while the pain of trying to not ruin other's holidays with a sad mood eats me alive.

It feels each year there is a new simple joy that gets taken away from me. There are so few left I wish nothingness would just set in to alleviate the ongoing sorrow.