I'm getting worse, staying in bed way too much. I have no support IRL. Just sitting at the kitchen table feels tiring.

To top it all off a few valuable items are missing from my apartment. It's looking like they were stolen. One item was a piece of jewelry given to me when I was 12. It was gold and possibly worth over a thousand dollars. It was of very great sentimental value. My life now is a series of losses. I tell myself it was just a thing. I don't have a lot of things. Now I'm in tears. Until today, I thought I might find my lost piece of jewelry. But after all the searching, I think it really is gone. It didn't walk away. I thought my apartment was safe. I was away from it a great deal when my boyfriend was sick, and various repairmen were let in by the property owner. There's been a series of 5 different landlords in the past 15 years. One of them could have got in and taken stuff, which breaks my heart to suspect that. I'm a very good tenant.

I'm thinking of calling one of my sisters to talk about the loss of that piece of jewelry. But I'm afraid I might not get much sympathy. I want to just give up.

Much worse tragedies happen to people, and they manage to get on with life. You can weather anything when you have love in your life. That piece of jewelry happened to represent a lot of love. It was given to me by my parents for a very special situation. I've just thought of another item of jewelry that is missing. It was also of very deep sentimental value. It was of heavy silver, a family heirloom, entrusted to me. It was beautiful and it meant so much. My parents are deceased. The silver piece was my mother's. It was my most important keepsake from my mother. It was precious to her and to me. It was even more important than the gold piece. I only just now faced that it, too, might be gone. I keep having losses that hurt badly.

I know I'm not doing enough to make my life better. I complain of feeling lonely, but I stay by myself mostly. When there is love in your life, things don't matter so much. My few precious little pieces were tokens of tender love that my parents had for me. They are gone, and the little tokens are gone. I tell myself, "Just be glad you had loving parents. Some poor souls have not even had that." It does no good right now to try and count my blessings. Without loving relationships, life is not worth anything.