@Discombobulated - Thank you for your kind post and for your practical suggestion. It was comforting to read. I'm very alone, so a few nice words can mean the world to me.

I did call one of my sisters. She was very nice and commiserated with me. She really understood, so I was glad I called her. I only told her about the missing jewelry, not about my depression. I learned long ago that people don't want to listen to a bunch of whining. So I try to not heavy up on others. They got their own problems. Well meaning folk, like my sisters, are eager to help, if there is something concrete they can do. I could call one of my sisters and say I need a thousand dollars right away. She'ld immediately wire it to me. But she hates emotional stuff. A very long time ago, I broke down crying in front of her, and she ran
out of the room. From that and other things, I learned not to express any negative emotion around her. My other sister is less judgemental and much easier to talk with.

I've had too many stressors that came too close together over the past two years. (Like my brother dying in April from a drug overdose.) From mid-July to mid-October, I was doing okay and felt hopeful that I was recovering. It is horribly disappointing to be back looking down into that yawning pit of despair and feel myself being sucked into it. I can't let that happen, like it happened this past spring.

Today I have felt very afraid that I don't have what it takes to cope with this life.

When I tell healthcare professionals that I struggle with recurrent serious depression, I don't think they believe me. No one takes me serious.

Twenty years ago, I was in a severe bout of depression. I called a crisis line. The person who answered told me I was exaggerating my problems and just looking for attention. When I got off the phone I got drunk. Then I took a box cutter and cut up my arms, hoping I would bleed to death. I ended up in the hospital for a week.

I'm not a "cutter." I never self-harmed before that. I've never self-harmed since. But I remember how awful it felt to not be believed.

I'm a little more mature now. I have no thoughts of harming myself in any fashion. I just wish I could talk to someone who would take me seriously.