I feel so much for you. This is very familiar to me, as I have gone through something similar. I was with a partner whom I connected with deeply, but who continued to hurt me and the kids repeatedly.

As things progressed, it was staggering to face that I was dealing with someone who was a disordered personality; someone with very little empathy, and who actually didn't feel the way I did and was only mirroring actions on the surface.

We were together for 26 years and married for 22.

I felt like I was dying. We are two years apart now.

What I can say MY experience has been is;
- don't push away your feelings or your grief. Grieve.
- wrestle with all of it, but ultimately, trust the evidence of who and what your partner is. Trust people who are educated in this.
- don't lay down and let them walk all over you as you leave. Fight for your survival and for what you need. You have needs and rights and are entitled to things from your marriage and investment.
- learn about their thinking some, but at some point, recognize that you won't fully understand it. They operate differently than you, and you won't connect with the thinking.
- the MOST successful people are in touch with their feelings, but make rational decisions. Make rational decisions to protect yourself and your kids.
- remember that you can't beg someone to stay and beg them to change.
- @ArmorPlate108 told me that boundaries are finding the edges of yourself. It's OK to define and protect yourself.
- I tell myself each day, people have endured worse and gone on to thrive. I want to have a success story too.

RDMercer