Today is not better. I have had anxiety all day. This reminds me of one year ago. In Nov of '23, it was right after the clocks went back that I fell in the dark pit. By Feb I was a wreck and got the referral to the psychologist in March.

It took me till mid-July to get back to normal. I stayed good until a few days ago. Now I'm afraid.

My last two Chistmases were kind of sad. I was alone. I don't want to have another bad holiday season. I know it's up to me to find some things to participate in.

It's hard for me to believe that making an effort will actually make a difference. That's not logical. I'm out of faith that I can make things better.