Ever since I remember, my furthest memories back as a child, I was raised to value and love family more than anything and anyone, and that family was the most important thing in life. Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, Parents, Siblings, everyone. When I was younger, (I am 29 years old now) we were always together when we weren't at school or had other things going on, especially holidays of course.

Then of course over time as we all got older, and various unfortunate events occurred, and life happened, a lot of the family grew apart, and some bridges were even burned - may I note here, with others specifically, not with me even. I've never had any conflicts or problems with any of my family members, and have always loved every single one of them, and shown it, with all my heart, and would drop everything at the drop of a needle if any of them needed me.

But I feel like that is not really the case with most of them, anymore if anything. A couple members 100% and I feel like they would barely bat an eyelash if I died today. And just most of them sure, I'm sure they love me and care about me, but honestly only because of the fact that I'm family, and that's about the extent of it.

It really sucks being brought up and it drilled into my being to love and value, and be so close to family as much as I do, and basically ending up with half of them not even remotely feeling the same about me, and the other half just being indifferent and being able to 'take me or leave me' without second thought you know... I mean, I even now still make an effort to reach out and still show my love, and 99% of the time get hardly, if anything in return from them.

Don't get me wrong I understand completely we all have our own lives and things going on, and I'm in no way expecting all of them to just be obsessed with and unable to live without me or anything. Just like I said, it sucks and is very painful to be raised such a way, and basically feel like pretty much any of them could care less and probably wouldn't even show up at my funeral.