Scarlett,

I say this with such kindness- as I was in your shoes with my ex-T and went through similar turmoil. I adored her. She was my safe place. She was incredibly, incredibly important to me. She did a few terrible things to hurt me, what were terrible betrayals to me, terrible mistakes in our relationship. She could never properly own them, never properly apologize. It broke my heart. I spent a few years trying to process them with her. Of course, while doing that, I was having sessions paying her for that processing and not working on my own self. What ended up happening was that I wasted precious years of my own life that I can’t get back focusing on her life and making her more important than me. I hate to see you doing the same thing, making that same mistake. I regret it so profoundly now. I’m not going to say it’s the same as it was with my ex-T, but in my case, all my time and energy and work (so much of it!!!) was truly a waste. I would have been so much better off focusing on my self, remembering that we are each the stars of our own story.

I say this with care and kindness. I hear your pain. I understand it as I was there, and it was unbearably painful. For me, it all came from severe trauma and a T who was not knowledgeable enough and a bit uncaring. I’m praying this all gets worked out for you in a way where you feel safe and okay again with L. I know how desperately you need that to happen. Sending you big hugs.