Goatee,
Thank you so much for sharing. It really means a lot to hear your experience and it really resonates with me.

How did you do it? What was the final deciding factor?

I totally relate to your story. I do adore L. So much so. And I truly believe she lied to me (even if unintentional) and that she betrayed me. If she just would have warned me, just tell me that she couldn't tell me when she'd start trying, things would be so different. She says she is understanding, but yet won't own and therefore won't apologize for those things. I'm not sure how long I can wait for her to own them. She did acknowledge that it's taking her time and that itself is affecting me.

It's like my mind is understanding that this isn't working between L and I. But my heart is so committed to her. Addicted. Even today, she pulled me back in.

I am sacrificing my therapy, my time, energy, emotions and even money on her stuff. She says it will all be put to use, to help me with interpersonal traumas. That my pain won't go to waste. But how much time is this going to take. What if we spend years on this only to realize she'll never understand and own her part? I kind of felt insulted because the day she told me about her pregnancy, she said that she wasn't going to charge me for the session. Like seriously??? I shouldn't have to pay for any of these sessions except the ones that are about me (e.g. my infertility).

I wish I could make a final decision: stay or leave. My H today, who has been wanting me to leave, told me to work things out with her... I know I've gotten a lot of advice to leave. Some think I should work things out. I was ready to leave today. But she pulled me back in.

It's not easy to up and leave someone you love. I ask her all the time to leave me and don't contact me. She always reaches out. She says she'll always be there. It is so enticing to have someone offer to never leave you when you've experienced so much abandonment. Sometimes, I wish she would abandon me just like ex-T did. She would be doing me a favor, making a clear choice for me.