Today was miserable. The first 15mins of session was silence. Well, me being silent. She talked the whole time. She finally broke my silence by making me cry. Then the sweet invitation she said to hold hands... The only thing I know is that in the end she agreed to do a repeat of last night, but this time with a goodnight.

She was also saying how she's noticing that I'm not communicating directly with her and not asking for what I need. So instead of setting up a session for the weekend (which we've basically have had throughout this pregnancy), she wants me to ask for it if I need it. My mind, I'm screwed already. I told her my fear about not having anything, but still I'm supposed to ask. I don't know why I'm struggling with direct communication and expressing needs. It's only been since this all happened. Anyone have insight? Like she wants me to say "I need help" instead of "Go away". Or "I need care" instead of "You don't care about me". Or if I need a phone call, ask for a phone call. And if I need a session, ask for a session. Also to ask if I want a goodnight. I choose to suffer instead. I guess it is all my fault. Because then she doesn't understand what happened. But I feel so stuck in communicating with her. I know I have a huge fear of "no" even though she says she'll say yes every time she can. That doesn't make me feel better for some reason. I don't know what is going on with me!