That was already long, so adding this in a separate post: There was also a time when my T was pretty sick with a respiratory illness a few years ago when we were meeting virtually. We still met, as he'd just returned from vacation. Even though he was open about it, I still found it jarring to see him sick, as he's generally very healthy. It made him seem vulnerable.

I think there was paternal transference going on for me there. Like, fear of my caregiver being sick and unable to take care of me (my mom had cancer when I was a preteen, though she ended up being OK, so it may have triggered stuff about that).

So maybe some of it was something like that for you, too? Seeing her being vulnerable and less pulled together?