Quote:
Originally Posted by shakespeare47
I was feeling irritated with her last night and realized that while I responded to her emails and texts, she didn't respond to some of mine. And she has confronted me in the past about not answering her emails and texts. and I have confronted her as well. It looks very much like she has this double-standard "You must answer all my texts, phone calls, emails, etc.. But I may not answer yours. And I will ignore or deny your attempts to point this out this double standard."
She has been in the habit of leaving sweet treats/candy on the counter - and then hours later or the next day loudly asking where they went and making a point of angrily/testily asking if I ate them. And also off-handedly mentioning that there is something sweet leftover. She knows I've been very careful with my diet and that I have lost 40 pounds over the last 2 years. It looks very much like deliberate sabotage on her part. It's even been the case that she loudly complains if I throw it away instead of eating it - often confronting me in front of our son. It's very much the case that I can't win. I throw it away - she mocks me/ confronts me. I eat it... .she loudly confronts me and me embarrasses me. I have pointed this out... and she has ignored me.
Several times even lately, she has said something like "well, I have ADHD, I just say and do things without thinking" and/or "well sometimes I just do and say things because I think it's funny". The message is pretty clear - "don't expect me to stop"
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My ex abusive husband used to do something similar. From early on in our relationship and prior to getting married, he knew that maintaining my weight and following a healthy diet were very important to me. Within the first 6 months, I gained 10 pounds because he only eats junk, and well, I ate with him frequently so we would eat the same foods together. It didn't matter how many times I told him I was watching my weight or dieting in an attempt to lose the extra weight, he would always encourage me to eat junk food. I swear, he wanted me fatter so that men would no longer stare at me. He made comments early on about men frequently staring at me and checking me out whenever we were out in public together. He completely ignored what was important to me, and continued to encourage me to eat fattening foods. It didn't matter what I said, and I gained 20 pounds total in 5 years with him. What I ate was my responsibility, yes, but my ex certainly did not respect my needs.
My point? Your wife is sabotaging your desires to remain healthy and thinner. She is not showing respect for what you value: your weight, your health, your self image, confidence, and your mental health.
The abuse is apparent in each story you share. How are your self esteem, self image, self worth, and mental health? The longer you allow this to go on, the worse you are going to feel. Long-term abuse effects are real.
You are enduring an awful lot of toxicity and mistreatment in this marriage.