I've had a number of toxic "run-ins" with several different women in my music community over the last year. I've had to block each one of them for lashing out at me unreasonably and unjustifiably. Go figure. Hang out in a bar scene, and this is what you're going to get. It's my own fault for wanting to continue hanging out in my music scene. But live music and dancing to live music are my therapy! I am most passionate about music. And outdoor activities, yes. But music has been my #1 go-to for the last 30 years! It's hard to change an old, long-time habit.

No, I have not branched out yet except for joining a group for a hike led by a wonderful woman I did meet through my music scene. I would love to get to know this particular woman better. She seems very grounded and emotionally healthy. She hikes constantly - nearly every weekend.

But I am discouraged. The more I venture out, the more discouraged I am by American society. The election was divisive, and because I posted feminist things on Facebook, at least 2 people dropped me as a friend, and an ex boyfriend harassed me over my stance and beliefs to the point where I had to block him.

Mind you, this guy is an abuser, so I should have blocked him anyways. I have become closer with his ex fiance, who told me about how he tackled her and broke her arm. Not only that, but he would bang her head on the floor. Two years later, and her PTSD is still very bad, go figure. And she's not the only one. This guy is very bad news, he is not a good person, .and I am glad I blocked him.

I am thinking that volunteering may bring me into contact with more humanitarian people. Why can't I just do this? I feel like I am in a rut and I can't make a move to do things that are better for me, and I don't understand why. It's frustrating. I've written about it on here, yet hold back. Am I afraid to meet other people that may also be toxic? Am I afraid to branch out and try new things?

Why am I so stuck?