I crawled into bed at 7:30 PM and woke up at 1:30 AM, exactly 6 hours later.

Due to menopause I now only need or require 6 hours of sleep. I can function just fine on 6 hours, but the problem is that I am in a vicious cycle. Because I am up so early, I pass out earlier, which makes me get up earlier, which makes me pass out earlier. LOL.

So it's 2 AM and I am wide awake drinking coffee. Sounds nuts, huh? It is, especially on the days I have to work. I try to stay up as late as I can, but I fall asleep on the couch early, then crawl into bed as late as possible. It still doesn't matter. During the weekdays, often I am awake and up at 3 AM.

My doctor gave me some sleep meds to help me to stay asleep, and they don't do much. Neither does melatonin. That is supposed to also help, but I need to take the melatonin at 1,2, or 3 AM when I wake up, and I never do. I feel awake and feel like it won't work and will only just make me sleepy but not fall back asleep.

Ok, so menopause is basically a nightmare. It sucks. I cannot believe us women have to endure such a hardship, after dealing with menstruation and cramps all of our lives. It's so unfair. I know, as men age they start to experience erectile dysfunction and have to take Viagra or some similar kind of supplement. Aging all around just sucks - there's no way around it.

I see a chiropractor next Tue about the pain in my leg. It's gotten worse and has spread now to my front thigh. It moved from the groin area to now my thigh. I am praying that the chiropractor has a solution. Years ago I was told that one of my legs is an inch longer than the other leg. Combine that with a few degrees of scoliosis in my back and vertebrae, well, maybe those are the causes of my leg pain. Or maybe it's menopause. I've read this can also happen during menopause for women.

Either way, it needs resolution since it seems to have gotten worse. I now cannot walk without pain. It's so odd too since I was able to hike 4 hours just recently without one single incident of pain. How odd is that?

And I am back to no dating whatsoever. Once again, I am done with the male sex for now. It's been nearly a year since I've had sexual intercourse, and since June since I've kissed a man. I'm aiming for a full year without real dating or a relationship, which would bring me to Feb 2025. I may need another year after that is achieved to fulfill my life goals and to create the life I am proud and happy to have.

I am Ok right now, but I need more to do in my life. My life feels kind of bland, aside from seeing music regularly and traveling out of state from time to time.

I opted to stay in last night - Friday night. My option was to drive an hour north and back for music, and I decided to skip on it. Given all the drama as of late, I didn't feel like placing myself potentially in harm's way again. I can't deal.

I am still reeling from what happened most recently with that woman who blocked me on facebook and then lit into me for hanging out with or even speaking with her male friend. I decided that either she is sheer crazy and believes there's something more between them when there isn't, or he was lying to me by telling me there was nothing going on between them. Either way, it was very toxic, and I am glad I blocked both of them in the end.

It is still stewing in my thoughts though. I hate conflict, and especially woman to woman conflict. Something strange was going on there, and I don't even know what it is. Maybe they've fooled around and blurred the boundaries of friendship, and so she stakes a claim on him because of that alone. But the last time I saw her, she was talking about other guys she is dating and sleeping with, so how can she stake a claim on one, when she is free to sleep around with other guys? I don't get it and I am still scratching my head.

And this is a long post. A stream of consciousness type of post. Guess I am just putting down whatever is on my mind right now.

On that note, I am going to make more coffee and watch a movie until the sun rises, which is 4 hours from now. LOL.