I am so sorry for the abuse and suffering that has been done to you and for your current suffering. It is heartbreaking and unimaginable like a living nightmare that never ends. I wish I knew what to say that would help.
I know it will probably not be any kind of comfort to you, but I admire you for surviving. People like you inspire me and I think people like you are so noble and heroic.
I think it is only right that if a person is hurt that they scream. I wrote a letter to my abusers. I kept all the pain in for almost 50 years and it just ate away at my soul.
You've been through such much and deserve a break. You deserve a life where you can have really peace and joy of living, things that have been denied to you unjustly and cruelly!