I am agnostic but used to be a Christian (catholic) once

I was just thinking about the impossibility to save my soul. In my mid-thirties, no matter if I wake up at 6, look after my mother and a couple of older relatives, work, back home to care for older relatives again, being kind to people i casually meet and donate to charity
Ghosts and failures haunt me (and I deserve it
My relatives themselves hate me for being a single woman without a relevant job position and child-less
I have no more way out, so i wonder, what's the point for paychotherapy to look after certain kinds of criminals (especially ones that have an age) -i am referring to
They are in hell anyway

Sorry for that, i am trying to keep the mind quiet but can't anymore. I wish to disappear

P.s.: not a native speaker, please at least forgive my grammar