I know it seems pointless right now, but yes you do need the level of care you are getting. Though you probably don’t see it as care. Believe me in my darkness days( and nights) I pushed back against care because deep down I didn’t believe I was worth it or deserved to get better. I quit several times going cold turkey and having seizures from the cold turkey. All that did though was cause my stability to be postponed. It took until I was in my 40’s to start having a quality of life. Can’t say exactly what changed. Just one day the therapy I’d had started to make sense. Then it sort of all came together. My life didn’t fall apart until I was 29, so a good 15 years of homelessness and revolving hospital doors and that probably could have been shorter if I’d not given up so many times. It’s hard. Hang in there