Teenage One wants to yell and scream and tell you to f off and mind your own business. This part of me did not like what you said today about it having to be a certain person, and the words 'you don't get to decide' definitely came from that part. You kept saying you thought the things I was saying were a block. I couldn't see it at the time. I was adamant that that's not the way this is happening. A big part of me is still adamant that that's not the way it's going to happen, but I found it interesting that as soon as I got in the car and left I had a thought that maybe you are right. I don't want you to be right though. I want you to f off and leave me alone. I hate being split like this. I hate that the parts of me are still so at war with each other. I know that there has been significant improvement, and I know we are now thinking and talking about things that would literally have been impossible before, but this particular road block is difficult. Really difficult. I thought you were going to help me, but it turns out not. I thought I had found a way forwards. But it turns out not. I genuinely feel like I want to give up right now. It feels like we are never going to get there. It will be impossible I cannot ever see me getting to the place I had hoped to get to without the plan that is now in tatter. I can't do it. I won't do it. It's too much.