It seems like my ex husband is still dating the same woman. My friend spied on his facebook profile. The last photo of him and this woman together was Oct 5.

Yesterday, I decided it's healthiest for me to try to accept that he is dating, that he will date, that it's truly none of my business what he does now, and that he's a free agent to do as he pleases, just as much as I am a free agent to do as I please.

I had been obsessing over him and this woman since early Oct when I discovered they were dating. I wasn't jealous or envious, and it's not as though I wanted him back in my life. I was obsessing because he lives in my neighborhood, and the last thing I wanted was to run into them together somewhere. So, I was spying on his facebook profile, and hers, but I think she changed her privacy settings and hid photos of them from public view. I can only see what each of them posts publicly and not privately to their friends.

But realizing that I've been obsessing and that it's not healthy for me, I am now moving towards acceptance and not allowing this to hurt me or cause harm to me.

I have been in knots because she has dark hair and dark eyes, his stated preference in women. He said that to me once, even though I have dirty blonde hair and dark eyes. When I discovered they are dating and I saw her dark hair, I freaked out and determined that he did this on purpose to try and get revenge on me and hurt me by choosing this exact type of woman. I determined that he was hoping to run into me with her, to rub it in my face. The reason for my thinking this is because I know him to be very vengeful and vindictive. Whenever we fought, he wanted to seek revenge on me and would threaten all kinds of things, like taping me and calling our therapist, or my father, or exposing me to his friends, or any number of different threats.

And so in thinking he's seeking revenge and in knowing she is his preference, if I ran into them, he could potentially feel he is throwing that in my face and causing hurt to me, which would then make him feel powerful over me - like he can still get to me and hurt me.

So, in realizing that my behavior has not been healthy, I know I need to stop spying, but I seem to not be able to stop, as though I cannot help myself. I want to be prepared for the worst case scenario: running into them together.

But I think it's healthiest for me to simply just accept them dating and be done with it all. It's been 6 or more weeks of this and I am sick of it. I am sick of thinking about him and want him out of my head. And her.