I can’t begin to imagine the trauma you have been through. You most certainly are not being a Grinch, @Blueberrybook. Your apprehension and fear of the forthcoming holidays are completely understandable.

I have dreaded the holidays and this time of year for as long as I can remember. I used to get such grief when my parents were still alive for not wanting to attend big family gatherings. I just couldn’t bear them. The social aspect was crippling for me, and I never knew how to communicate that effectively to them. With the remaining family I have left, I’ve taken the time to explain why I find big family gatherings and the holiday times difficult, and that it’s not because I don’t love or care for them, it’s just that I can’t cope, and need lots of space. They have actually taken that really well, and the simple fact that they’ve accepted it and understood it has made the holidays so much better.

Now we compromise. I break things down into smaller groups of them, and arrange to meet before and after the holidays, and leave the actual holidays to be at home relaxing and doing the things I want to do. I just wish I’d had the strength to tell them this many years ago.

Don’t feel guilty for dealing with Christmas how you want to deal with it. We are manipulated far too much by big business and the media who want to make us feel guilty if we’re not fully embracing Christmas and (more importantly) spending money on their food and products.

Take care of you.