I think it's wise to think through these scenarios and to prepare, just in case. She's already shown up on your doorstep, taking you completely by surprise.

By the way, how is she paying for all these nice things she currently has? Didn't she have a new car, a new large home, new clothing, etc etc? I'm just curious. Who is paying for all of this for her if she still cannot work?

So, when my abusive ex husband's mother died and he wanted my support after we had separated, I told him point blank: I am no longer that person for you. I am no longer your go-to support person. We are separated and I am divorcing you - that means that we are no longer associated and in a any kind of a relationship. We are not even friends. I don't want a friendship with you, or anything to do with you. You will have to rely on someone else for support.

If she ever does have the opportunity, to me, a direct answer like that is the best approach - saying NO, drawing a boundary and being firm, direct, and resolute.

But do not give her the opportunity.

If she did come to you in dire straights, you know full well that she would have a hidden ulterior motive - whatever that may be. Never allow yourself to be ensnared by her manipulations ever again - this is a new mantra to repeat to yourself as much as you need to.

She took you by surprise by dropping by with some man on her arm and a new car, shiny beautiful new clothes, etc etc. She planned it that way. That maneuver was dripping with calculated, well planned out manipulation. She wanted you to want her back - she wanted to pull on your heartstrings and make you envious of the man in tow. And then she tried to bribe your daughter into a secret relationship by bribing her with a phone? The whole thing was just sickening - and look how badly it effected you. You have an entire thread on the incident.

So, it's good to think in this case of the worst case scenario and plan ahead.

Be resolute in your decision to never lift a finger to help this calculating, abusive, cruel, and manipulative ex. She could easily play victim and make you feel guilty somehow for not helping her.

Remember, the less you engage with her, the more you are protecting yourself - and your kids - from any further harm. It's in your best interests - and theirs - to protect and shield yourselves fully from her. She clearly will stoop to any level to get to you and your kids, and to pull you down and back in.

Don't ever allow that to happen.

Shut the door in her face, if she ever shows up at your home again. Block her on your phone, if you haven't yet, and everywhere else. The less you expose yourself to her, the more protected and shielded you are from her manipulations. Deal only with her through the lawyers. There is no reason to speak directly with her ever again.

It's your peace of mind - and your kids peace of mind - that you must protect.