Hey

Been there, and still have some low days.

My wife and I were together for 25ish years with a family. I just about lost my mind trying to hold everything together.

With regard to your wife, I’ll say these few things that were said to me.

You can’t beg someone to stay and beg them to change.

Is there anything you haven’t said or done that would change what’s happening? At some point you have to accept you’ve said it all.

You mentioned a therapist. I broached with mine if I had narcissistic personality disorder. She immediately said “no, because if you did you’d never self examine enough to question that”. It turns out my wife was the NPD, and I was the one twisted six ways from Sunday.

If you have codependency losing someone feels like you’re dying. Brother, you aren’t. Being alone in the peace is good. For about a year I had to fight against my urge to reconnect. I preferred being partnered to someone at almost any cost. Once the peace hits… My guy…. It’s so good. My house is silent. Right now it’s silent. No drama.

Get some meds to help. Keep talking to your therapist.

Start letting people go. The easiest way is to procrastinate. “I’ll call her later. I’ll text later. It’s late. I’ll text tomorrow.” Until the urges pass.

Hey, another thing I told myself was “it doesn’t have to be forever. Who knows what can happen?”

Don’t pursue ANYONE who isn’t pursuing you.

Start picking something to look forward too. I started with these ridiculous $8 Starbucks drinks. I’d treat myself, with my phone off and indulge.

That grew to treating myself to meals I wanted, at home or out.

Then some real self love began. I treated myself to care; a massage, some exercise equipment

In time it will be self interests.

Please talk to a doctor and your therapist. Please seek out more help.

RDMercer